We Should be More Like Copenhagen
Copenhagen’s Car-free streets & Slow-speed zones from Streetfilms on Vimeo.
These two videos – both found over at Treehugger – are pretty great, and show why we should a) be more like Copenhagen and b) how we could possibly do it.
But this is the US, where our government itself is desperate for you to buy and drive cars – so keep dreaming, my ninjas.
Cycling Copenhagen, Through North American Eyes from Streetfilms on Vimeo.
Posted: August 8th, 2010
at 9:37pm by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, green arch, my ninja, please, urban/master planning, videos
Comments: 1 comment
Ashmont Trolley (My Ninjas, Please)
[image: a ninja awaiting the Red Line]
Welcome to Ashmont, the Southern end of Boston’s Red Line. Currently under renovations, they’re finally starting to to wrap it up and finish the project – something I hope to bring you some info on in the near future. Today, however, I’d like to focus on the ridiculousness that is the ‘high speed trolley’ that runs from Ashmont to Mattapan. Now you need to understand – I would rather not talk trash. In fact I look forward to the station itself being finished, so I can snap a few photos and give readers a general rundown of a project which I think has done a lot to revitalize the entire Ashmont / Peabody Square area. But for right now, follow me on this journey of foolishness.
For those of you who don’t know, the ‘high speed trolley’ running from Ashmont [located in Dorchester] to Mattapan Square is an extension of the MBTA’s Red Line – which, off the top of my head, serves 7 stops [not including Ashmont itself]. The trolley is quite popular, as it connects both Mattapan and Milton [a suburb to Boston's South] with the Red Line – the train downtown is always busy in the mornings & evenings with additional commuters from the trolley. So when Ashmont was slated for renovations & redevelopment, the trolley line was included in these plans – and was actually the first thing to get a makeover. The stops were cleaned-up, some ‘antique’ trolleys were brought back into service, and the trolley stop and turnaround at Ashmont were completely redesigned and rebuilt. Everything looked fine [not great, but fine], and things seemed to be moving along at a pace that we’ve all come to expect with a government project.
And then the noise started.
[image: the T wasting my money]
Yeah, I’m talking literal ‘noise’ – as in ear splitting shrieks of pain coming from the tracks. Loud enough to be kind of physically uncomfortable when you’re on the trolley. Loud enough that I can here the trolley from my apartment – which is something like 1/3 of a mile away – but not the train [I mean, I can hear both at times - but mostly I here the shrill echo of the trolley]. The noise had been measured at over 110 decibels at the station, and over 100 decibels at nearby homes.
The problem? The track at the turnaround [seen above] has a diameter that is too tight – trolley is at an awkward angle while going around, causing more friction between wheel and track, blah blah blah – super loud noise ensues. Did someone let the intern design this portion of the track? What the hell happened here?
Well obviously whoever is responsible is in the wind – since in the Bean you can literally build something that kills someone and skate. As blaming someone won’t help anyway, a solution is worked out – after two different systems involving automated greasing of some sort fail, the T falls back on insulated blankets and sprinklers that keep the tracks/wheels wet. SPRINKLERS AND BLANKETS. This is a project coming in just under $50 million dollars [maybe more?], and the solution is the aesthetically-depressing / intelligence-insulting blanket-covered water-drenched fence seen above.
My ninjas, please.
Seriously, I don’t even have a point that I’m moving towards here – I just want everyone reading AMNP to know about the ridiculousness going on in Dorchester, and to understand what kind of crap karma you generate when your design isn’t up to snuff. Imagine owning a home where every 15 minutes or so all day long you have to deal with 110+ decibels of fingernails on a chalkboard – all because someone either cut corners or had their trig confused.
Consider this when discussing fast-tracked infrastructure projects to boost the economy. Not because we shouldn’t support them, but because they need to be watched carefully.
My favorite part of this story? A State Senator suggested we put in a Disney-style monorail a ‘middle ground’ type solution. A FECKIN’ MONORAIL!
::note: I promise that I have a cheery, positive post on Ashmont’s redevelopment as a whole in the works – I’m just waiting for them to complete the finish work::
Posted: August 2nd, 2010
at 11:09pm by orangemenace
Tagged with design, for real?, infrastructure, my ninja, please, transit
Categories: architecture, criticism, design, my ninja, please, transit
Comments: 2 comments
Ninja Arithmetic LXVII.5

Our ninja Matt K. – who has submitted a number of Ninja Arithmetic equations – sent me this image last week with the following explanation:
So, I had this idea for the Mercedes Benz building by UN Studio to be a Ninja Arithmetic submission after I saw this [YouTube video embedded below].
However, it turned out more like the image attached, so feel free to use that or make your own off the concept.
It begs the question: if building natural disasters into buildings is the next stage of excess-itecture, what’s next? Will Gehry have artificial tsunamis? Will Zaha build an earthquake simulator?
I think that stands on its own as a post. If any of your architectural musings seem interesting, don’t hesitate to drop me an email at architecture@myninjaplease.com.
Posted: March 10th, 2010
at 6:17am by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please, ninja arithmetic, videos
Comments: No comments
Ninja Arithmetic LXVII
[Equation: Projector X steel plate = Henning Larsens Tegnestue's Danish Opera House]
Thanks to our ninja Tony for submitting this edition of Ninja Arithmetic.
If you’re inspired with an idea for a Ninja Arithmetic post by a project that you come across, don’t hesitate to contact AMNP! You don’t have to make the graphic yourself – simply explain the equation to me in an email, and I’ll handle the rest. Simply end your suggestion to architecture@myninjaplease.com, with “Ninja Arithmetic” in the subject line.
Posted: March 3rd, 2010
at 3:54pm by orangemenace
Tagged with Danish, danish opera house, Henning Larsens Tegnestue, ninja arithmetic
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please, ninja arithmetic
Comments: 2 comments
Lumitectura
Lumitectura from barno on Vimeo.
Thanks to our ninja Matt K for the link.
Posted: February 25th, 2010
at 10:00am by orangemenace
Tagged with animated facade, facade, lighting, lumitectura, video
Categories: architecture, eye candy, my ninja, please, videos
Comments: 1 comment
Ninja Weaponry: The Tape Measure
The good people of Architect Magazine tweeted [twit? twittered?] this to me over a week ago and I somehow missed it until today. This ninja right here is crazily silly sick with a tape measure. Mad skills.
In case you were wondering – yes, this kind of thing is exactly why construction jobs rarely finish on time or on budget. I, for one, think its worth it.
Posted: February 11th, 2010
at 2:21pm by orangemenace
Tagged with for real?, my ninja, ninja, please, video, weaponry
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please, videos
Comments: 1 comment
Boston Arcology

Say it with me now: My ninja, PLEASE.
Dubbed “BOA”, for Boston Arcology, the project was designed by E. Kevin Schopfer as a floating arcology much like the one proposed for New Orleans a few months back. Capable of housing over 15,000 people in new apartments, condos, hotels, offices, and a new city hall, the ?BOA [Bank of America might sue...] extends as a long linear box from Rowe’s Wharf – supposedly in an attempt to preserve existing views and sitelines, while emulating the general massing of Boston by “exud[ing]a rigorous geometric format.”
What? It’s a huge box on the waterfront…

The proportions are, of course, based on the Golden Ratio – and the diagonals within the rectangular frame are actually meant to be a reference to the Boston Common [criss-crossing paths contained within the rigid boundary of the city].
Really, I just had to share this with everyone, as it’s awesome in its ridiculousness.

Posted: January 24th, 2010
at 1:10pm by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please, towering pagodas, urban/master planning
Comments: 2 comments
Vote ‘Architect’ for Barbie
I’m shamelessly ripping off our ninja John over at Archidose today in order to spread the word about something very important to ninjas everywhere: voting for Barbie’s next profession.
I know, you probably think I’ve cracked – and I totally have – but hear me out. All the other options suck, and I’m bored with too much free time this morning not to argue my point. The other choices for Barbie are ‘environmentalist’, ’surgeon’, ‘news anchor’, and ‘computer engineer’ – non of which, obviously, is cooler than being an ‘architect’. Here’s what I’m thinking:
- ‘Environmentalist’ isn’t really a profession itself – anyone can be an environmentalist. Additionally, this is America – nobody here believes in that global warming nonsense [sad as that sounds, lets face facts].
- Girls know damn well that they can be doctors / surgeons / whatever. What is this, the 80s? A decade or so of ER, Grey’s Anatomy, and whatever else we’ve got for medical dramas on TV must have changed any antiquated ideas about women not being surgeons.
- Moving on to ‘News Anchor’ – that shit right there is just sexist. Of course Barbie can be a news anchor, she’s a babe. Why not say swim-suit model or Playboy Bunny? My ninjas, please.
- Last we come to ‘computer engineer’… and I’ve got nothing. I actually wish I was a computer engineer, as maybe I could land a sweet gig somewhere like Google and make some $$. And as we know, ‘computer engineers’ all call themselves ‘IT Architect’ or whatever anyways, so they’ve got the title too. I’ll just go with the god-complex ‘we design and shape the world’ argument here and move on.
All that aside, I mostly want to spread the joy. I know so many architects will talk about Legos or whatever building block-ish toys they played with inspiring their desire to be an architect. I would love one day to hear that a woman I work with decided she wanted to be an architect when she got her first Barbie at age 5 – only, of course, to have those hopes and dreams crushed by a crap economy and absurd developer-controlled building sector…
Now to be serious: Barbie does seem to hold a special place in the hearts of many who have played with / collected the dolls, and I think it’s safe to say that toys do influence children as they grow-up. More women in architecture can only be a good thing, even if their initial interest is prompted by a toy originally based on some kind of German sex doll [kind of].
[Oh hells yeah, that was an entire post about Barbie. Act like you know.]
Posted: January 20th, 2010
at 11:56am by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please
Comments: 8 comments
You’re Not An Architect

This is a little much, I would say – but that doesn’t take away from it being pretty funny. Someone in Boulder, tired of the interwebs being full of “IT Architect” postings put this up on Craigslist:
Dear IT/Computer/Analytics professionals:
You are not ‘architects.’ It’s true. I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you just aren’t. Do you know that even real architects can’t even legally call themselves an ‘architect’ unless they pass a rigorous intern/licensure process?… yeah, it takes about 5 yrs and hundreds of dollars, and it’s regulated by an international organization devoted to the single purpose of licensure. Yet, you self-inflating computer hacks throw that word around like it belongs to you. Maybe you’re just filling that white space on your business card, or maybe you’re just trying to get laid by riding the coattails of a noble profession. I don’t pretend to understand your nerdy motives, but I implore you to stop this chicanery. Shame on you.
My ninjas, please!
In all seriousness, though – looking for ‘real’ architecture jobs in a culture where the term has so many new meanings is HORRIBLE. I care less about what people call themselves, and much more about how hard it is to distinguish IT professionals from designers [online]. That’s probably because I myself don’t have a license…
Posted: January 19th, 2010
at 6:00am by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please
Comments: 9 comments
In Defense of the Burj (Dubai) Khalifa
I would like to take a brief moment to defend the Burj Khalifa (formerly known as the Burj Dubai) – if only a little bit. While there have been many middle-of-the-road articles on the opening of the building – and many supportive ones as well – I feel as if the building is being unfairly used as a scapegoat, taking the hit for the current rally against “excessive” architecture.
For starters, look at the damn thing – it’s absolutely feckin’ awesomely ridiculous. 2,717 feet tall, all curvy and shiny and all that? I think we can all take a second to marvel at the fact that it’s an incredible structure. I mean, any fan of Star Wars / SciFi has been waiting for a tower this absurdly tall since their youth, as the Burj Khalifa looks like Coruscant, step one.
Now this is hardly a reason to build this thing. I’m all about admitting that this project seems kind of ignorant, and like little more than a pissing contest. “Now we have the tallest building, bitches”. But so what? Aren’t nearly all buildings over a certain height an exercise in ego? Outside of the few places where there is actually not enough land (NYC, parts of China + Japan), what’s the justification for a building over 20 stories or so? There are a number of towers here in Boston that have been sitting here half empty for a minute now – and our tallest building is under 800 feet.
Also, this design is nearly plagiarizing Frank Lloyd Wright’s proposal for a super tall skyscraper – and that man is by far the US’s most beloved architect.
Moving on to a less rational argument – what does this matter to any of us? How could some rich people building a super tall building in the desert be offensive? Did they spend your money? Because I’m pretty sure that those of us in the US should focus on the fact that our trends in housing are gross and inefficient, or that the government doesn’t adequately support progress and innovation in the construction fields. Plus, where the hell is all our infrastructure spending going? We have our own problems with shitty architecture of another sort. Fortunately, we can apparently afford to throw stones – modernism never took in housing.
The world is falling apart around us, and we’re going to take shots at this building for being too tall? Or, for that matter, a Zaha building for being too curvy? A Gehry building for looking too much like a melting chunk of metal? Let’s do this: the next time you read about ‘the architecture of excess’ – or anything similar/related – prep some ninja stars and go attack a brokerage firm, or a bank that gave out bad home loans.
My ninjas, please – get a grip on reality. The Burj Khalifa is a lot of things – including wasteful and unnecessary. That said, it’s also wicked cool for being over half a mile tall. Let’s take a moment to focus on that, and quit projecting our problems onto the people pushing the boundaries of design and construction.
Posted: January 10th, 2010
at 6:55pm by orangemenace
Categories: architecture, my ninja, please, starchitects, towering pagodas
Comments: 4 comments


















